How’s Your Soul?

"Hey Mark, how's your soul?" That's the question that greeted me the other night at group.

"Dark and dismal.", were the words that I replied. WHAT?!

"Why, what can we do to help?"

"I don't know", was all I could say.

Even as I said it I knew the truth. And the truth was and is, what makes me feel that way is the loss of someone loved... lost too soon, she was only 24. And the feeling of justice needed. Justice that I can't provide.

It's been the last few weeks that I been feeling like someone took something from me that can't be replaced. Strange thing to me was that she was not even blood kin. I called her my niece, I refer to her mom as my sister to anyone who doesn't know me. Strange also, is that I never really expected to see her again when she left our house the last time. But knowing now that I can't ever see her again creates an emptiness that I've never experienced before.

She had lived with us for awhile when she had no other place to go. She was part of our family. She was a part of our lives. She was our niece.

A few days later a very good friend of mine lost his son to illness. His son was only 30 years old. In 2 weeks he was to be married.

Nobody should have to bury their child.

My "sister" shouldn't of had to bury her daughter.

There are three kids who will grow up without their mother.

My friend shouldn't of had to bury his son.

There's a young lady who will have to reshape her life… without the one she loves.

Their brothers and sisters shouldn't of had to deal with death like this.

Death is for "old" people who have lived full lives, not for young folks with all their lives in front of them.

To even think of burying a child of mine brings a heaviness that I…. I can't even begin to explain.

I am confident that I will see my niece again, and that the circle of family will be rejoined with my dad and Uncle Bobby. But somehow that only takes the edge off the pain, it doesn't remove it.

As far as my soul goes?... I've decided the condition of my soul is up to me. If it dark and dismal, that's because I've let it become that. If it's full of light, then that's because I've allowed it to be. I believe we do have that control, but in the living of life we tend to forget. We let ourselves become overwhelmed. So we need to be reminded now and again with a simple question…

How's your soul?

Thanks,bro.

How Long Do We Give?

I don't know...but, I feel like I could have done more.

A few months ago I was contemplating how long or how much should be given before we should stop and say, "Enough! Until you try to care for yourself, I'm through giving!!"

Well, I still don't no where that line is, but I find myself wondering ,why, when we convince ourselves we have to say "That's enough", do we find ourselves thinking "I could have done more" when it is too late to do more.....

I'm no theologian or doctor of anything that would suppose me to know all the ins and outs of God's word. But to the best of my knowledge Jesus did not preface "Love your neighbor as yourself" with "as long as he is helping himself".

So I find myself at the end of a chapter and second guessing all my decisions that lead me to this point.... To late to do anything else and so sorry that what I did do wasn't enough.