An Open Heart

"Life is simple. We are living in a worl that is absolutely transparent, and God is shining through it all the time. This is not just a fable or a nice story. It is true. If we abandon ourselves to God and forget ourselves, we see it sometimes, and we see it maybe frequently. God shows Himself everywhere, in everything - in people and in things and in nature and in events. It becomes very obvious that God is everywhere and in everything and we cannot be without God. It's impossible. The only thing is that we don't see it"

 Thomas Merton - A 20th Century Trappist Monk

How’s Your Soul?

"Hey Mark, how's your soul?" That's the question that greeted me the other night at group.

"Dark and dismal.", were the words that I replied. WHAT?!

"Why, what can we do to help?"

"I don't know", was all I could say.

Even as I said it I knew the truth. And the truth was and is, what makes me feel that way is the loss of someone loved... lost too soon, she was only 24. And the feeling of justice needed. Justice that I can't provide.

It's been the last few weeks that I been feeling like someone took something from me that can't be replaced. Strange thing to me was that she was not even blood kin. I called her my niece, I refer to her mom as my sister to anyone who doesn't know me. Strange also, is that I never really expected to see her again when she left our house the last time. But knowing now that I can't ever see her again creates an emptiness that I've never experienced before.

She had lived with us for awhile when she had no other place to go. She was part of our family. She was a part of our lives. She was our niece.

A few days later a very good friend of mine lost his son to illness. His son was only 30 years old. In 2 weeks he was to be married.

Nobody should have to bury their child.

My "sister" shouldn't of had to bury her daughter.

There are three kids who will grow up without their mother.

My friend shouldn't of had to bury his son.

There's a young lady who will have to reshape her life… without the one she loves.

Their brothers and sisters shouldn't of had to deal with death like this.

Death is for "old" people who have lived full lives, not for young folks with all their lives in front of them.

To even think of burying a child of mine brings a heaviness that I…. I can't even begin to explain.

I am confident that I will see my niece again, and that the circle of family will be rejoined with my dad and Uncle Bobby. But somehow that only takes the edge off the pain, it doesn't remove it.

As far as my soul goes?... I've decided the condition of my soul is up to me. If it dark and dismal, that's because I've let it become that. If it's full of light, then that's because I've allowed it to be. I believe we do have that control, but in the living of life we tend to forget. We let ourselves become overwhelmed. So we need to be reminded now and again with a simple question…

How's your soul?

Thanks,bro.

How Long Do We Give?

I don't know...but, I feel like I could have done more.

A few months ago I was contemplating how long or how much should be given before we should stop and say, "Enough! Until you try to care for yourself, I'm through giving!!"

Well, I still don't no where that line is, but I find myself wondering ,why, when we convince ourselves we have to say "That's enough", do we find ourselves thinking "I could have done more" when it is too late to do more.....

I'm no theologian or doctor of anything that would suppose me to know all the ins and outs of God's word. But to the best of my knowledge Jesus did not preface "Love your neighbor as yourself" with "as long as he is helping himself".

So I find myself at the end of a chapter and second guessing all my decisions that lead me to this point.... To late to do anything else and so sorry that what I did do wasn't enough.

As Fathers Day approaches I find myself thinking of my dad and remembering how he was always sure to make sure we knew how proud he was of us. I'm sure that many times he was not proud of the decisions I made or the friends I kept, but I am very sure he was proud of me and the fact that I was his son. I loved my dad and I know without a doubt that he loved me.

As I think about this I wonder about my own journey as a father. I am sure that I have made my fair share of mistakes as a father. I am sure that I have been at work when I should have been at a game or a party. I am sure that I have sat down on the couch at the end of the day and went to sleep when I should have played a game. I am sure that I should have taken more time reading books or pushing swings or wrestling or any number of things. I am sure that I have made my fair share of mistakes as a father.

As equally as I am sure of these things I am sure my kids know that I love them. I try to remember everytime I talk with them, to tell them how much I love them. However I must learn to take the time to tell them how proud I am of them. And so that brings me to the point of this ramble. Each of my children hold a special place in my heart. From the oldest to the youngest and all 5 in between, I could not be more proud. Failures or success, good decisions or bad each one of them bears my name, they are my children, and I could not be any more proud.

OK,

whoever said being in God's Will will make you happy and content

was off their rocker,

and obviously forgot to read the Bible.

So,

where does that leave us??

I know there are several guide lines to determine

whether or not we are in God's Will.

I suppose the first one to check is whether or not it is bilblical.

So now,

where does that leave us??

Well,

I reckon I'll have to look into this a little deeper.

Tomorrow

My spanish teacher is from Venezuala. She always likes to talk about family and things going on in life in order to introduce new vocabulary and phrases and such.

A friend of her family past away recently and she was asking about funerals procedures and what people wear and so forth. In Venezuala if someone dies one day they are buried the next day and a Mass is performed seven days later for that person. As we compared rituals and timing she said something that made me stop and think.

"Americans work and plan for the future. They save and prepare for what they don't know. In Venezuala it's not like that. I live for today. I don't think about growing old, I only think for today."

Well, while I'm not sure throwing it all to the wind and living only for today is such a good idea for me and my family, I do think there is some merit in that school of thought. I do think that we as a society have become....ok, me as a person has become somewhat consumed in saving and/or planning for tomorrow. While that's not totally bad we do tend to miss some of the blessings or opportunities of today when we only focus on tomorrow.

I'm sure we all know this, but sometimes I wonder.

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.

What is your life?

You are a mist that appears for a little while

and then vanishes.

James 4:14 NIV

Give me a hug....

My daughter, the world traveler, came back from Amsterdam this evening. I got the privilege of picking her up at the airport. I love picking her up when she travels because I'll go sit in the baggage claim and people watch till she arrives. I wonder where they are going to or coming from. But you know my favorite thing in the world is giving my girl a welcome home hug. I'd sit there watching people come out and meet family or friends and the hugs were all around, everyone smiling and laughing. I feel for the folks who have no one there to greet them with a hug.
A hug is like a bridge that spans the gaps of time you've been apart. At Rhonda and my anniversy party an old friend came whom I hadn't seen in about 15 years. I gave that man a hug and it was like we were brought back together, like the lost time was found. When my friend Juli came home from her travels I had to give her a big ol bear hug. If I hadn't it would be like she was not back yet. Same as with my daughter-in-law and my sons when they come into town.
It doesn't matter if it's a side-to-side "arm around the shoulder" hug or a leaning over "pat on the back" hug, a hug is very comforting. Maybe it's like Time.com says... the hug is the new hand shake. The first time I saw a "Free Hug" sign I thought it was kind of silly. But the more I think on it the more I realize the impact of that free hug on that person and the people they'll meet.
So hear this, both of you who read this blog, go out and hug someone. Hug your mom or your spouse or your boyfriend or girlfriend. Hug someone you haven't seen in a while. hug someone who needs it, hug someone who doesn't. You might just have a God size impact on someone.

How long do we give?

......

"Give to every man that asketh of thee;

and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again."

Luke 6:30 KJV

......

"Give to everyone who asks you,

and if anyone takes what belongs to you,

do not demand it back."

Luke 6:30 NIV

......

"If someone takes unfair advantage of you,

use the occasion to practice the servant life.

No more tit-for-tat stuff.

Live generously."

Luke 6:30 The Message

......

How long are we suppose to keep giving?

When do we draw the line?

When do we say enough is enough?

Am I wrong to even ask these questions?

One scripture, three versions....

"ask them not..."

"do not demand..."

"no more..."

It seems to me that this idea of giving of our lives or possessions is intended too be a continuous way of life. Not just something to make us feel good at Thanksgiving or Christmas, but something that should be at the front of our minds on the 19th day of May, or the 23rd day of January, or the 8th day of November.... you get the point.

But that leaves me to wonder, where do we stop? Is the lesson here that we are to give until we can't give anymore? (That doesn't set well with my conservative nature.)

Yet I suppose that this was similar to the predicament the rich young ruler was in. Jesus told him to sell everything he had, give to the poor and come follow Him. I can imagine his sorrow, I'm not anywhere near to being rich, and I certainly don't think I'd like the idea of selling everything and giving it all to the poor.

I think the lesson here is the last statement in The Message translation:

"LIVE GENEROUSLY"

Auto Makers Bailout or UAW Bailout?

Dear Washington D.C.,
I am concerned about the government assistance being sought out by the Big 3 auto makers. I don't want my tax dollars being sent to private corporations at all, much less to corporations that are operating to satisfy Unions and their ridiculous contracts. I understand that the impact will be quite a hit to our already devastated economy. However, the UAW must be held accountable for the damage they have done over the years of negotiating entitlements for unmerited labor. How can any business continue to grow and advance in a 21st century market when they are required to support non-productive labor?

Sincerely,

Merit Shop Electrician

December 2, 1985 started as a day like any other. The next day my son would turn one year old. We had his party the day before. And sometime around two o'clock in the afternoon I made a near fatal mistake.

I tried to install a disconnect bucket in a 480V/4000A switchgear without any supervision. It nearly cost my my life and set me on a path I could never have imagined and wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I only remember the sound of a frieght train running over me leaving me 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree burns over 42 % of my body. 32 days, 4 surgerys and 1 helicopter ride later I was sent home. I can't imagine what my family was going through. I had a hard enough time processing what I was going through. In the process of all that, there were several pictures taken of me at different stages of burnt-up recovery (thanks mom). 10 1/2 months later I was back to work.

I am still an electrician, and in the process of getting some company required certifications we are shown several graphic pictures of people in much worse condition than I was. The first time I saw these pictures I felt like I was in a sacred place that shouldn't be disturbed. A very personal place that only the victims could inhabit. Almost like being in an Indian burial ground or something. I felt almost embarassed for the victims we were looking at. Somewhat ashamed of invading their tragedy. Of course I put on my toughest face and passed through, knowing others around me were aware of my past and were looking for my reaction.

I had looked for the pictures of my recovery and couldn't find them. But recently the pictures were found and brought out for a specific purpose and I was wierdly disturbed. I've looked at them before and didn't mind them. I don't know why I can't look at the pictures now. I've told my story to quite a few people and I really don't mind talking about it. I suppose that's because I can control the conversation and most people are respectful when in my company. But pictures let people into an area that no one normally goes. Pictures let people into my burial grounds. Pictures expose us to others interpretations of that event and leave us very vulnerable.

You would think that 23 yrs would be enough to be able to put this aside, but sometimes I wonder...

KAT

I do believe that this is one of the prettiest little girls I know. (Of course I may be biased) Little Miss Katarina is our first grandchild and Grandpa and Nana Topping are as pleased as punch.

Blessing?

I guess an $800.00 car repair bill can be a blessing when you consider 3-days without power, mile long lines at gas stations and empty grocery store shelves. Some folks looking at 2-3 weeks without power. Some folks staying in a shelter or away from home for who knows how long. Some folks with no home to get power to. I guess a broke down car is not much to complain about right now. Especially when I'm comfortable while I wait. I'll be back at home soon, with gas and groceries from Killeen. Blessings come in all shapes.

If you doubt, check this out!!!

If you wonder whether slavery is still going on here in the states then check out this story.

http://www.star-telegram.com/190/story/723015.html

The FBI is making a dent, well maybe a scratch, in the trafficking going on in the US. After reading how politicized all the traffick inforcement is throughout the world and the US it's refreshing to see comments like this from the FBI director. "We together have no higher calling than to protect our children and to safeguard their innocence," FBI Director Robert Mueller said Wednesday.

How do you walk with Christ daily?

That was the question my buddy asked me during our commute to work yesterday morning. I didn't realize it then, but it was a question that would carry me through the rest of the day.

My answer was a simple, "Shoot, I don't know."

We continued to discuss it as we went our separate ways to work. We finally decided, as hard as it might be, that to walk with Christ daily you should keep Christ and His ways in the front of your mind all day. If the GC comes at you and is hollering about something you have no control over, having Christ in the front of your mind may keep the blood from boiling over. The only thing I know for sure is that it's hard and it takes continual practice and commitment.

After I had completed the safety meetings my Gen Supt called me into the office, the Ops Manager was there also. The words spoken were simple and politically correct. "Mark, it's come time that Mark Topping and Walker Engineering part ways." (How do you walk with Christ daily?)

What do you say? "It's not fair!!"......"It's not my fault!!"......"Why me?"....."What about him or them?" (How do you walk with Christ daily?)

I said,"OK."

I went to my office and started packing. With the Gen Supt looking over my shoulder to make sure I didn't take anything that didn't belong to me. (How do you walk with Christ daily?) It's amazing how unimportant things get when you just want to get out.

As I drove away from a 21 year job it wasn't resentful thoughts or 'what if' thoughts going through my head, but more like I couldn't believe it was over. Even though many of us knew something was going to happen and I was a prime candidate for DTR Electric there is still the thought of disbelief. (How do you walk with Christ daily?)

I called my wife on the way home and broke the news to her. That was probably the hardest thing in the world for me, even though I know I can go get a good job any time, there is still that thing poking and prodding a my pride. That little gnawing at my side that says I'm less of a man because I lost my job. (How do you walk with Christ daily?)

The news spread through my small sphere like wild fire. The standard questions were, "What are you going to do now?" and "Are you going to the other company now?". I just want to figure out "How do you walk with Christ daily?".

I have to tell you the truth here. There is a big since of relief in all of this. Knowing something is going to happen, but not knowing when or to who, is extremely stressful. Especially when you are trying to run two jobs.

Later on my wife was mentioning to me how relaxed I seemed to be about it all and was wondering why I wasn't mad or upset about it all. I asked her the question that had been on my mind all day, "How do you walk with Christ daily?". That question was the thing that helped me through it all (thanks, buddy).

The good news in all of this is that new doors are opening and opportunities are plentiful. Have you ever noticed that when things are good the "How do you walk with Christ daily?"thing is a whole lot easier.

Lord, help me to make the right decisions in the things to come and continue to teach me "How do you walk with Christ daily?".

What a year!!

Finished with the homecoming of both my boys. That was pretty special since they will both be deployed through the holidays next year. All the family for Christmas dinner and a surprise visit from Wes and Ashley for New Years Eve.

On the last Sunday of the year we were challenged to write down some things we did or changes we made in our own lives this past year that we believe had a positive impact on ourselves or others. And then we were to write down what we intended to do or change in the next year.

After deciding that I had no significant impact on anyone outside of my immediate family(thanks for pointing that out for me) I looked inward and discovered in myself a new appreciation for what I believe. And a new sense of ownership of those beliefs. What I mean is I believe what I believe because it's something I've became aware of instead of something I was told was the right thing.

And with that realization came a desire to lead others to that point. So I'll tell my kids, or whoever, that what their beliefs are should be based on what they know and not what I tell them. If someone says the something is one way then they should look into it before they buy into it. If any of that makes any sense, that's my resolution.

Then just when I think all is right and rolling along good, the explosion comes. Who knows why or when but it comes and he's gone again. Happy New Year, huh? The shame of it all, is that it's happened so often I could hardly care less. How can I live in the kingdom with this in my life and those kind of feelings in my heart? It will be interesting to see how God works in this.

Bobby Dale

We buried my uncle today. After a long battle with cancer he has gone to be with our Lord. I was honored to be a pallbearer.
I'll never forget the first time I met him at Granny Collingsworth's house. I was the newest boyfriend of the first granddaughter and was there to meet the family. Bobby Dale and his brother-in-law told me in no uncertain terms that if I hurt their niece in any way they would have to "talk" with me. I never had that talk, thank God, and over the years I have grown to admire and respect him.
He was a carpenter by trade who left many of his own projects incomplete so that he could help others with theirs. I remember him telling me about how he cut his leg with a circular saw because he had pnned the guard back. After we discussed the safety that the guards provide we'd swap stories of crazy stuff that had happened on job sites of the past.
I guess my favorite memories are of the family reunions. Both in Witchita and here in Houston. He was our auctioneer and designated story teller. When we had our local reunion in Conroe we would sit around the campfire till 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning and talk about whatever came up. He'd be the last one to bed and the first one to rise.
I cherish most the couple of times I spent sitting on his porch talking of dogs and horses or kids and family. He will be missed.

***************************************

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Phillipians 4:8

Educated Minds

"It is the mark of an educated mind

to be able to entertain a thought

without accepting it."

Aristotle

Forced to Learn English??

I can't believe a story like this comes from England. From the land of government health care and gun control is a law to force immigrants to learn to speak English.

Jacqui Smith, the Home Secretary, said: "Those who we welcome into the UK to work and settle here need to understand our traditions and feel that they are part of our shared national culture. (he's absolutely right here)

"They need to integrate into our country, learn English and use our language." Under the government's new "points" system, there are three main categories of immigrants coming to Britain from outside the EU to work: highly skilled, skilled and low-skilled workers.

The first two groups can eventually settle permanently in Britain; the third cannot. (He's not here)

I know mine is not a popular stance among many of my friends, but I really do believe our country would be much stronger and unified if there were less multi-culturalism. I believe what Jacqui said about learning traditions and sharing one culture. I was right there with them until I saw that they weren't going to allow low-skilled labor to settle permanently. To not allow someone to settle permanently on the bases of job skills, intelligence or any reason short of criminal background is prejudice and absurd.

Here's the whole story. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/09/09/nmigrants109.xml

And of course our Democrats are on the other end of the spectrum. http://www.nbc6.net/politics/14076638/detail.html?rss=ami&psp=news

Black Magic E-mail

I'll tell you the truth. I don't mind getting forwarded emails that tell stories of faith and hope or courage and patriotism. As a matter of fact I like to read them.
That is until the end comes. You know what I'm talking about, they usually end something like this...
"Forward this to 10 of your friends and you'll have 10 years of good luck. Forward it to 7 friends to get 7 years good luck. If you delete it you'll have 20 years of bad luck."
The first thing I do is delete it. It doesn't matter how good the story is, it's going to get the big D. What a waste of a good story.

Or how about the fake Amber alerts that find the sweet little girl that was suppose to be missing is working as a waitress at a truck stop in Odessa. But it doesn't matter what Snopes says we still need to help the distraught father, who has spent his life savings searching, find his little angel. What kind of cad wouldn't forward a simple email to help in the search?

My all time favorite is the email that tells a beautiful story of struggle and trials overcome only by the faith of an extraordinary person. The ending challenges you to declare your love for Jesus by forwarding it to as many people as possible, because if you don't do this you really don't love Him at all.

Now really...does anyone honestly think Jesus measures our love for him, or His love for us by the forward of an e-mail?

Sometimes I wonder....

The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement

"May we live long and die out"

This is just unbelievable. These folks want humans to stop breeding for the sake of the planet. And all along I thought God created the planet for the sake of humans. I guess the thing that caught my attention was the way they used the word 'breed' like we are just dumb animals getting in the way of the earth and the earth has some agenda of its own. Now I know and completely agree that we should take care of Gods creation but this is way out there.